London Riots.

I do not condone mindless looting or violence.

However, people in stable jobs, who have enough money to support themselves and their family and who feel safe and secure in their own home, generally, do not go out and set fire to buildings and torch cars. There's a bigger issue that needs to be addressed here.

Oh, and I came out to someone. Was ok.

Meeting new people.

Lately I've been thinking A LOT about coming out. It's now a daily occurrence that I will think about it which is a vast change from just a year ago when I knew I was gay but it wasn't really something I ever planned to deal with.

Part of the difficulty with coming out is that I don't know any other gay guys. If I came out I just have this image of nobody understanding and being alone, drowning in a sea of straight folk. I know there will be some loss of friends when I come out and I know the whole "If they don't accept you they aren't you're true friends" argument, but it still scares me. I'm a fairly social person and I like having people I can trust around me. Although my real friends should be fine with me being gay, I'm scared to discover how many will be accepting.

To try and solve one issue (not knowing any gay guys) I decided to join gay network sites. One is specifically for youth and another is meant to be for dating but that's not really my intention. I wrote a profile being as honest as possible without disclosing my identity. No profile pic, no specific location etc. I've made a few friends in the past few weeks and added two guys on facebook, chatting with them frequently. One is an out and proud 17 year old (A) and another is a closeted 24 year old (D). They both seem really nice and I was getting on with them for a while but now I'm not so sure about them. They're both very...needy. I have in no way indicated I want to have a relationship with either of them, just friends. But they act very clingy if I don't show them plenty of attention. It's starting to get a bit annoying. The thing is, I don't know if it's just me, my sense of humour as almost every guy I've had contact with appears to be like this...

Today the 24 year old text me telling me he was going to a widespread restaurant chain for dinner. I replied, mentioning that I had never eaten there.

D: ":O what kind of person are you?!?!?!"

Me: "normal. ;)"

I then receive multiple texts saying I was harsh and he was sad and he may fall out with me etc. At first I continued to respond in jest, asking if he was feeling a bit sensitive today? (I really don't feel the need to humour people who clearly just want attention...plus he seemed normal up until this point!) I then was told I was just being mean and now he was sad. He's a fucking 24 year old man! Why does he want me to baby him like this?! I didn't respond as I was busy and couldn't be bothered since he clearly wants me to flatter him or something. In the meantime he continues to text me with sad faces. He then appeared to try an alternative tactic by texting me asking if I was feeling okay? I then responded saying I was fine, just busy and he went back to his previous normal texts pleasant chatting. I didn't like this side to him. Was it an attempt at flirting or something? Is this how gay guys flirt? If so, it's an awful tactic. He sounded like a little brat who decided he wasn't getting enough attention that day so he would go in a bad mood for no reason.

The other guy A, is also very nice but again clingy! It's nice that he shows an interest but I swear I have to tell him every. little. thing. He messages me frequently just asking about what I'm doing that day. I know it's all very nice but I don't REALLY know the guy. It just makes me uncomfortable, I feel like I'm submitting a report on my day each time he messages me. He also does the "I'm so sad :(" "I'm so lonely :(" crap whenever I talk to him. I don't know why these guys think this is an attractive form of conversation because it's not...it's boring and I rarely respond how they want me to so there's really no point.

Another guy messaged me on the youth site asking if I needed any advice coming out. I thought it was incredibly nice of him to message me and told him I appreciated his offer but that it was just something I would have to build up the courage to do eventually. I then changed the subject to more light-hearted topics for someone I had never spoken to before. He ignored this and continued with the, "Are you sure you're okay?!" "I can help you!" "Do you have any questions?" "Have you tried speaking to your mother?". I again expressed my gratitude for his help but that really I knew everything about coming out it was just something I would have to do myself at some point. This somehow encouraged him to send three more messages continually offering help and discussing my coming out like it was a life or death situation...

Are all gay guys so intense? Is it really the standard method of flirting to talk like we're deeply in love when we've chatted for a week and never actually met...? If it is I might just go ahead and be straight...less hassle. Or become a priest, celibacy could be the solution. But then there's that whole issue of God being a ridiculous notion.... Hmm, what to do?

Says it all.

Adele covering Bonnie Raitt's I Can't Make You Love Me

ENTP

A friend of mine recently got a pair of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) books. I had never heard of this before, but when she asked to test me I thought it could be interesting so I went along with it. The test basically consisted of seeing two images, each with a caption that would read along the lines of "I think of my future often" or "I live in the moment" and the pictures would be somehow related. Another example would be a single picture of different shapes, some black and some white. The captions would then be "I see patterns" or "I see shapes and angles". For each set of caption you picked the one best suited to you. Most people experience some of each but normally feel one more strongly. There are four sections, each with around a dozen sets of pictures. At the end, your choices for each section are added up and you are given four letters that describe your personality.

Section 1: Extroverted or Introverted

Section 2: Sensing or iNtuition

Section 3: Thinking or Feeling

Section 4: Judging or Perceiving

So according to MBTI there are 16 personality types for everyone. As you can see from the post title I am ENTP. Normally I don't think much of personality tests as there are so many variables that can alter the outcome but this one seems pretty accurate.

A summary from good old Wikipedia:

ENTPs are the Inventors, one of the four types belonging to the temperament called the Rationals. ENTPs account for about 2–5% of the population.

E – Extraversion preferred to introversion: ENTPs gain energy through interactions with people or objects in the outside world. They tend to enjoy having a wide circle of acquaintances.

N – Intuition preferred to sensing: ENTPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.

T – Thinking preferred to feeling: ENTPs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.

P – Perception preferred to judgment: ENTPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to "keep their options open" should circumstances change.

ENTPs are frequently described as clever, cerebrally and verbally quick, enthusiastic, outgoing, innovative, flexible, loyal and resourceful. ENTPs are motivated by a desire to understand and improve the world they live in. They are usually accurate in sizing up a situation. They may have a perverse sense of humor and sometimes play devil's advocate, which can create misunderstandings with friends, coworkers, and family. ENTPs are ingenious and adept at directing relationships between means and ends. ENTPs devise fresh, unexpected solutions to difficult problems. However, they are less interested in generating and following through with detailed plans than in generating ideas and possibilities. In a team environment, ENTPs are most effective in a role where they can draw on their abilities to offer deep understanding, a high degree of flexibility, and innovative solutions to problems. The ENTP regards a comment like "it can't be done" as a personal challenge, and, if properly motivated, will spare no effort to discover a solution. To the ENTP, competence and intelligence are particularly prized, both in themselves and in other people.

I think this is fairly accurate of myself. The book raised some particular points about everyday things the ENPT is likely to do which are also pretty bang on.

They love to argue for sport. Basically what was said on the wiki page, "they love to play devil's advocate". I find it fun debating topics with friends. Religion, politics, anything. Some friends I avoid this with because they think I want an argument rather than debate. "misunderstandings with friends, coworkers, and family"

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they can become petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they regard as challenges, and tackle with determination.)ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. In general, however, they are genial, even charming, when not being harassed by life.

I think this is pretty accurate. I find it hard to motivate myself to do little things but big problems are an opportunity to find an interesting solution.

The best approach in communicating with an ENTP is to be straightforward. No games – they’ll win. No "pulling rank" – they’ll just want to put you in your place. No apologies – you’ll undermine yourself. Try "I need/want to talk to you."

This is so true. The only person that can SOMETIMES win out in a witty debate with me is my friend who tested me. She is also an ENTP.

ENTPs may sometimes give the impression of being largely oblivious to the rest of humanity except as an audience: good, bad, or potential. In general this is unfair – but it can be difficult to get an ENTP’s attention when they’re not immediately aware of you, especially for an Introvert.

I've had this problem before. Someone I don't really notice or consider a great friend, suddenly comes out and asks why I never talk to them. It's not that I avoid them I just genuinely didn't think to make conversation with them. I also have a terrible memory for other people's activities. It's well known by my close friends that if you tell me you're going on holiday in a month, I'll accuse you of never mentioning it as you leave for the airport! It makes me seem self-absorbed but I just cannot remember things like that very well.

Some other points raised that were bang on. Loyalty is big thing. They run/go to the gym to relieve stress. They can get easily stressed by small everyday things in life. They will listen in class unless they deem their teacher incompetent in which case they will happily challenge them. They only properly learn from those they respect. They are easily bored in school if the work isn't challenging/varied enough. They have a fear of failure and will avoid activities that could make them look incompetent.

If you're interested in testing yourself, here's a website with a word version of the MBTI. It's not quite as good as the real deal but should hopefully give you an idea.

MBTI TEST

Relationships between personality types

This was very interesting. There's a chart to go with the MBTI that shows you what kind of relationships you have with other personality types. Relationship chart

Jen, the close friend of mine who I've had problems with, recently did the MBTI using the word version I linked. She found she was ENFJ (which she proudly told me was the same as Obama and Oprah...). According to the relationship chart, we are therefore in a Benefit relationship. With me as the Benefactor and her as the Beneficiary.

The Beneficiary can be impressed and delighted by their partner's behaviour, manners, thoughts and their ability to easily deal with things that the Beneficiary conceives as complicated. When partners are together, the Beneficiary involuntarily starts to ingratiate themselves with the Benefactor, trying to please them without any obvious reason.

This basically describes my relationship with Jen at the beginning. I remember her telling me a few of her friends disliked the fact she thought so highly of my opinion.

Relations of Benefit may appear even and conflict free. Usually it is the Benefactor who initiates the contact. Partners can even feel some kind of spiritual connection between them. However, relations last only as long as the Benefactor has something to give and the Beneficiary has need of it. If this major condition is no longer fulfilled, relations enter quite an unpleasant stage of their development.

Jen and I have always spoken of how close we are and how we'll always be close friends - "spiritual connection". I think recently, as we have both grown up, she no longer needs my help and I no longer have any way of helping her. Of course this isn't how I saw our relationship for the past 4 years but now that I have read this it makes a lot of sense. Jen was often very concerned with my opinion and would try to do what I thought was right rather than thinking for herself. I think that's changed over the past year and that's why we've drifted. It's good for her. She's standing on her own to feet and thinking for herself. But it probably means we won't go back to being as close as we once were. That's something I've accepted though.

This MBTI thing was pretty interesting, I encourage you to try it. :)

The Hangover Part II

I went to see the second Hangover last night. It was pretty good. Same basic formula. Starts with a phone call where they say they've fucked up and they've lost someone. Then go trawling all over Bangkok to find them. It's entertaining and I would say funnier than the first one just because some of the stuff is just so outrageous! It definately doesn't bring anything new to the table. They've just taken the first one and turned up the shock factor but I think it's worth a look.

If you liked the first one you'll like this.

3.5/5