My obsession with the finer sex,

I've known from quite a young age that I was gay. Men just excited me that little bit more and I never had an urge to go after women the way my straight friends did. I do however find myself far more obsessed with the female form than the male. I look at a male celebrity and think, sure, their good looking, but I have no connection with them. Their strangers and therefore I do not appreciate their beauty in the slightest. It's the same with male models. I understand why they may be selected to wear clothes as they aren't hideous but they do not excite me at all. Even men I know that are attractive do not peak my interest unless I have some sort of relationship with them already, be it even the slightest of encounters. Perhaps I'm not very shallow and appreciate personality over looks. It is true that I am rarely instantly attracted to someone. It is almost always a gradual attraction coupled with me getting to know them better.

Females on the other hand do strike a nerve with me instantly. I could pass a woman in the street that is pretty and not be able to help but stare! (I think this is how I have successfully managed to stay closeted for so long!) Friends of mine that are females I will find incredibly hot but never in a sexual way. They never turn me on but I will be far more impressed by their looks than by any man's.

When I look at a female celebrity I do see the beauty and my attraction to them is very strong but again I am not turned on. It's quite confusing but part of me thinks it is just true that females are more gentle on the eye's anyway. I don't know if this is normal but from the few gay-orientated forums I have visited online, most gay men seem repulsed with seeing a woman next to an attractive man, but I think the complete opposite!

I've probably explained this very badly but oh well... :)

P.S. Famous woman I'm a little bit obsessed with...
Blake Lively (previously mentioned...)
Selena Gomez
Mila Kunis
Scarlett Johanssen
aaaand I can't think of any others at the moment. I'm sure their are more though!

Exams!

I hate exams, despite the fact I always perform well in them. It's a kind of...love/hate relationship. Due to my high performance and praise afterwards I do kind of like them. But in general they are pointless memory tests. Admittedly this may not be the case the world over but at least where I'm from you are basically given thousands of facts to memorise and regurgitate on the day. What is the point?!

Recently I sat mock exams which are used to indicate the candidate's performance half way through the academic year. Due to the fact this is an internal exam you are able to go over you're mistakes afterwards with your teacher. Upon going over a particular subject I found I had been marked wrong for an answer that I was 100% sure was correct. I asked my teacher and they too agreed I had infact written a more detailed explanation than most but the marking scheme was worded differently.
Me: who made up the marking scheme?
Teacher: I did.
But you just admitted I was correct.
Yes but I made answers like the ones from old exam papers so they're right.
So the only way to get the mark for this question is to mind read and write down the exact right phrasing the answer scheme uses?
Ehm...no but...you just have to right what they're looking for, it will come with practice!
But exams are made to test my knowledge, yes?
Yes.
And I have shown I know what I'm talking about so therefore should receive positive results do you not think?
Oh for goodness sake! right you can have the mark this time but don't bother hassling me again!

I find this with a LOT of exams I sit these days. Memorise what the textbook says and don't stray or they'll assume you have no idea what you're talking about. It's sad really. It doesn't really encourage original thought.

Black Swan

I went to see Black Swan. In the whole I thought it was very good! My friends however were confused throughout. I don't know if they just didn't pay attention or what but I didn't feel it was a difficult film to follow (not like the harry potter films which I have had NO understanding of the plot despite seeing every film). My immediate understanding of the film could be because I read reviews for it beforehand so therefore knew what to expect. Anyway, loved the film and even enjoyed the graphic sexytimes of Natalie Portman. Despite being attracted to men I have always felt the female form is more beautiful and therefore enjoy watching beautiful women. I swear I would turn straight for Blake Lively! Absolutely stunning!

E

P.S. did anyone else hear meg griffin from family guy throughout black swan? Who knew meg was such a ride in real life!

back!...possibly.

My blog idea failed. I realised that being in the closet and having no private computer makes it difficult to secretly have a blog about my thoughts and feelings. I do however have a new smartphone which has internet! And I havr only just discovered (while attempting to comment on jackdaw's post) that this incredibly SMARTphone somehow knew my login details to this, here blog thing. Yay! Private blogging! In all honesty I may never post. But! I may fall in love with posting and never shut up! We'll see.

E

P.S. I'm a little bit creeped out by my phone knowing the login details as I have never been on this blog on my phone. Technology is getting far too intelligent these days...