ENTPs are the Inventors, one of the four types belonging to the temperament called the Rationals. ENTPs account for about 2–5% of the population.E – Extraversion preferred to introversion: ENTPs gain energy through interactions with people or objects in the outside world. They tend to enjoy having a wide circle of acquaintances.N – Intuition preferred to sensing: ENTPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.T – Thinking preferred to feeling: ENTPs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions, they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.P – Perception preferred to judgment: ENTPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to "keep their options open" should circumstances change.ENTPs are frequently described as clever, cerebrally and verbally quick, enthusiastic, outgoing, innovative, flexible, loyal and resourceful. ENTPs are motivated by a desire to understand and improve the world they live in. They are usually accurate in sizing up a situation. They may have a perverse sense of humor and sometimes play devil's advocate, which can create misunderstandings with friends, coworkers, and family. ENTPs are ingenious and adept at directing relationships between means and ends. ENTPs devise fresh, unexpected solutions to difficult problems. However, they are less interested in generating and following through with detailed plans than in generating ideas and possibilities. In a team environment, ENTPs are most effective in a role where they can draw on their abilities to offer deep understanding, a high degree of flexibility, and innovative solutions to problems. The ENTP regards a comment like "it can't be done" as a personal challenge, and, if properly motivated, will spare no effort to discover a solution. To the ENTP, competence and intelligence are particularly prized, both in themselves and in other people.
ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they can become petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they regard as challenges, and tackle with determination.)ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. In general, however, they are genial, even charming, when not being harassed by life.
This is so true. The only person that can SOMETIMES win out in a witty debate with me is my friend who tested me. She is also an ENTP.The best approach in communicating with an ENTP is to be straightforward. No games – they’ll win. No "pulling rank" – they’ll just want to put you in your place. No apologies – you’ll undermine yourself. Try "I need/want to talk to you."
I've had this problem before. Someone I don't really notice or consider a great friend, suddenly comes out and asks why I never talk to them. It's not that I avoid them I just genuinely didn't think to make conversation with them. I also have a terrible memory for other people's activities. It's well known by my close friends that if you tell me you're going on holiday in a month, I'll accuse you of never mentioning it as you leave for the airport! It makes me seem self-absorbed but I just cannot remember things like that very well.ENTPs may sometimes give the impression of being largely oblivious to the rest of humanity except as an audience: good, bad, or potential. In general this is unfair – but it can be difficult to get an ENTP’s attention when they’re not immediately aware of you, especially for an Introvert.
This basically describes my relationship with Jen at the beginning. I remember her telling me a few of her friends disliked the fact she thought so highly of my opinion.The Beneficiary can be impressed and delighted by their partner's behaviour, manners, thoughts and their ability to easily deal with things that the Beneficiary conceives as complicated. When partners are together, the Beneficiary involuntarily starts to ingratiate themselves with the Benefactor, trying to please them without any obvious reason.
Jen and I have always spoken of how close we are and how we'll always be close friends - "spiritual connection". I think recently, as we have both grown up, she no longer needs my help and I no longer have any way of helping her. Of course this isn't how I saw our relationship for the past 4 years but now that I have read this it makes a lot of sense. Jen was often very concerned with my opinion and would try to do what I thought was right rather than thinking for herself. I think that's changed over the past year and that's why we've drifted. It's good for her. She's standing on her own to feet and thinking for herself. But it probably means we won't go back to being as close as we once were. That's something I've accepted though.Relations of Benefit may appear even and conflict free. Usually it is the Benefactor who initiates the contact. Partners can even feel some kind of spiritual connection between them. However, relations last only as long as the Benefactor has something to give and the Beneficiary has need of it. If this major condition is no longer fulfilled, relations enter quite an unpleasant stage of their development.
Self-harm
In the past I have self-harmed. It first started when my best friend who I was in love with got a girlfriend. We were very close and we drifted abruptly when they started going out. I started to feel depressed and lonely. I thought I would never be able to just have a boyfriend like he had a girlfriend. I would never be able to be in a relationship where there were no problems and everybody in the school knew and thought it was “cute”. I thought I would constantly be stuck in a hell of never being able to openly love someone or be with them. This developed into a feeling of never being loved full-stop.
H and I were very close and so in losing him I felt I had nobody I could really talk to. In reality I had plenty of people but I just couldn’t see it. I began cutting my wrists. I remember the first time and even what sent me over the edge and it was an absolute stupid reason. I can see that clearly now but at the time I was in such a poor emotional state anything would have driven me to it. At first I was upset and ashamed. I swore I would never do it again. The next week I was still feeling incredibly depressed and I had begun to develop throbbing headaches continually. They weren’t sharp or acutely painful, but just a constant ache in my mind. So to get rid of this I cut again. The physical pain distracted me. I no longer thought about anything else and went straight to sleep afterwards.
For the next couple of months I continued to self-harm. Over time I became immune to it. I was depressed and just felt completely numb. Numb to people, to emotion, to pain, anything. I remember accidentally catching my fingernail on the edge of chair while I was moving it and ripping the top half of my finger nail off. I felt barely anything. It’s the strangest thing, you can build up an immunity to pain. This of course meant the cutting got worse as I needed to do more damage to feel the same level of release. I was addicted to it.
During this time I became so incredibly depressed I considered committing suicide many times. It actually scares me how close I was to doing it. The thing that always stopped me was that I didn’t want to hurt my family. Despite my numbness to school, friends and everything else. I couldn’t stand hurting my family like that. I continued to think about it and in times of desperation I would cut deeper only to find it just left worse scars and never actually put me in danger of dying.
The thing that stopped this cycle? My dog. My family got a new puppy over the Easter Holidays and it became my new obsession. I was with it constantly and felt happier. As it was the holidays I was away from the stresses of school and friends so I managed to feel better. It was gradual but there was just one time I went to cut and just thought...why? So I didn’t. It happened a few times but it wasn’t on a daily basis like before. I honestly think my dog saved my life. Before that I didn’t see a way out.
A lot of people think self-harm is about attention seeking. And I think perhaps for some it is, but for me it wasn’t. I never showed my cuts to anyone and kept my arms covered during the time I cut and for around 4/5 months afterwards until the scars healed. It wasn’t something I wanted to showcase, it was something I was ashamed of. I still have very very faint scars now but they aren’t noticeable unless you know to look for them.
I did end up telling H about a month after I had stopped. I hadn’t spoken to anyone during the time I was cutting but afterwards I gradually came back and tried to mend any friendships I had torn. H came over to my house one day and we began talking. Just casually at first, but then he started asking what had been wrong with me the past few months. He had been extremely worried about me but didn’t know what to do. I said it was nothing and not to worry about it but he pushed and reminded me about all the things we had spoken about in the past and that I could trust him with anything. So I told him. He got upset and wanted me to know he was always there for me and I tried to reassure him it was fine I had moved past it. It was good. I felt it helped me move on from it finally by telling someone.
I didn’t cut again for 18 months. It was at a party. I had been incredibly stressed, didn’t know what I was doing with my life, felt so much pressure, had a little bit too much Jack Daniels and when someone said something I didn’t like, I snapped. They took my half full bottle of whiskey and poured it out and went on some speech about how they were doing what’s right. They didn’t really know me and they were very drunk themselves so I snapped. I shouted at them and got told to calm down so I ran off to the bathroom. I sat on the bathroom floor for what seemed like a few minutes but was told later I was gone for over an hour. While I was in the bathroom I had “calmed down” by cutting. I needed to feel numb again. There was just too much pressure on me. When I came out again, there were people looking for me including H. He recognised something was wrong immediately and it didn’t take him long to figure it out. I was a mess, and he sat with me till about 2am when he had to go home. He kept everyone away from me and just tried to find out why I’d done it but I wasn’t really in a fit state to talk properly. H still tried and this is a shortened version of what how the conversation went (or what I remember of it):
H: “Ethan, what is this all about?”
Me: “What?”
H: “This. Everything, there’s something you aren’t telling me I know it but you have to”
Me(very very drunk): “There’s nothing, forget about it”
(Lot’s of him asking and me brushing it off)
H: “Ethan, I know...”
Silence
Me: “Know what...”
H: “That there’s something you’ve been holding in for years, just tell me. You can tell me anything”
Me: (still incredibly drunk and shaking): “H, don’t make me”
H: “It’s okay, you can tell me!”
Me: “Please don’t make me...”
H: “ Okay, okay, I won’t”
(If I seem coherent in this conversation it’s because it’s summarised. My head was between my knees and most times he said anything I didn’t reply. We talked for a lot longer than this, this is just what I remember of what I did say.)
This has replayed in my head quite a few times. I was so very close to just blurting it out but I didn’t. A tiny sober part of me remembered that there was a tomorrow where I would have to face the consequences. Still, when I think about H’s choice of words and the fact he wasn’t surprised when I asked him not to make me tell him, I can’t help but think...does he know anyway? It certainly seems so? But then am I just thinking he knows because I know what it is, when in actual fact he might just know there is something. Who knows. We never spoke about it again. He talked to me the next day to check I was okay but never about our conversation.
Since then I have relapsed a few times, but nothing notable. It’s always times of great stress. And whenever I have done it since I haven’t been very drunk or depressed. Just stressed and it’s a coping mechanism. I still know it’s not healthy and I avoid it. I haven’t done it for about 10 months now but I know I’m more prone to it. This recent change in my attitude had made me feel I am less likely to resort to such drastic measures in the future. I’m more relaxed about life in general. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Over the years I’ve had obsessions with food. Usually this is harmless and will be along the lines of, I eat lots of tuna one month, or I buy a lot of Starbucks. When I was younger it was more of an issue as I ate too many unhealthy foods so was pretty overweight. This addiction to food rapidly went to the opposite extreme about 3 years ago and I began to not eat enough food. I was unhappy with my body and wanted it to change quickly. I stopped eating breakfast and lunch and would only eat when there was a family member around so that it looked like I was still eating lots. If we were having dinner, I would eat lots and have seconds. This way it looked like I was eating plenty but in reality that was the only thing I would eat all day. If my family were all away for a weekend or for dinner I would go the whole day not eating anything. It was strange, but hunger became a good feeling. If I was hungry, I was happy and the thought of food disgusted me.
As I lost the weight, I began to exercise daily. Going running every day sometimes 3 different times in the day. I would get up early and go before school, then when I got home, then again later at night. This continued for about 1 and half years to the stage were I was pretty thin. I wasn’t skeletal as I still ate, but I was much, much thinner than I had been and it had happened over a short period. I grew over this time as well which made the weight loss appear to be even greater. My mother often commented in passing saying I was getting far too thin but I just put it down to my growth and continued to eat large meals in front of her so it was never really talked about. Missing out lunch at school was commented on at school by a few friends but all I had to say was I ate massive breakfasts and there were no more questions asked.
The starving/exercise stage occurred during the episode with my best friend were I went a bit off the rails and I think it’s probably a contributing factor. Just the state of mind I was in.
I've managed to kick this habit. I still sometimes get obsessed with a particular food but never unhealthily. I eat much more regularly but still don't eat breakfast. I don't know why but eating breakfast just makes me feel sickly. Not like I'm going to be sick just that I'm not well. I still exercise a fair amount, going to the gym most days or running with my dog but it's not the same as before. Before I would think...right so I've lost say...800 calories exercising, that means I can't eat more than that today. Very unhealthy. Whereas now it's more just because I enjoy running or going to the gym.
I think I have an addictive personality. I don’t see it as too much of a problem since I’m aware of it which I think is healthier than ignoring it. In the past I have been addicted to all sorts of things. At any one point I will be addicted to something. This thing could be a small irrelevant thing like a TV show or a type of food. Or it could be a much bigger thing like a person or not eating food. In the next few posts I’ll talk about the more serious ones as I don’t really care if I was obsessed with a TV show and I don’t think anyone else will be...
People
At times I’ve become obsessive over certain people. Never to a dangerous extent or stalker-ish but just were I think about them a lot, for longer than is justified. I would think about them before I went to sleep, when I got a text I would hope it was them etc. I somewhat believe this was a manifestation of being a closeted teen and not being able to express any attractions. It’s true it was more often than not an obsession with a guy, but sometimes it would be for female friends. It was just I would plan ways to talk to them, or get excited if I knew I was spending time with just them on a project or something along those lines. I wouldn’t be awkwardly invasive but I would enjoy being with them more than other people and make an effort to further our relationship or our bond. Usually this was fine and I would become better friends with them and the obsession would die after a short while. However, sometimes I think I would feel we were better friends than we actually were, and then be disappointed if they didn’t make as much effort as I felt they should.
I became particularly obsessed with one friend in particular who I’ve mentioned before. Let’s call him H. H was my best friend growing up and, although I had no initial attraction for him, once we became very close friends I found I thought of him...a lot! It became most obvious when he got his first girlfriend and therefore spent a lot of time with her. All his secrets and just general things he was thinking were now told to her instead of me and I became incredibly upset and jealous. It was at this point I sort of lost it and felt I would never be able to have a “normal” relationship like he did because I was gay. This was over 2 years ago now but for a 2 month period my addiction for him switched to an addiction much more serious which will come in a later post.
Over the past year or so I’ve come to realise being obsessed with friends rarely ends with me being satisfied so I’ve managed to stop this unhealthy habit and now take a much more relaxed approach to relationships. If I want to spend time with someone I’ll ask them but I won’t take it personally if they decline. Nor will I make a special effort in the future if someone is dismissive of me. I make effort with those that make effort with me and I now feel I have a more “true” friends and have distanced myself from those that took advantage of me. I feel I've mostly gotten over this "addiction" but who knows what will happen once I actually get a boyfriend. I'll could be a clingy mess but I doubt it.
