Over the years I’ve had obsessions with food. Usually this is harmless and will be along the lines of, I eat lots of tuna one month, or I buy a lot of Starbucks. When I was younger it was more of an issue as I ate too many unhealthy foods so was pretty overweight. This addiction to food rapidly went to the opposite extreme about 3 years ago and I began to not eat enough food. I was unhappy with my body and wanted it to change quickly. I stopped eating breakfast and lunch and would only eat when there was a family member around so that it looked like I was still eating lots. If we were having dinner, I would eat lots and have seconds. This way it looked like I was eating plenty but in reality that was the only thing I would eat all day. If my family were all away for a weekend or for dinner I would go the whole day not eating anything. It was strange, but hunger became a good feeling. If I was hungry, I was happy and the thought of food disgusted me.
As I lost the weight, I began to exercise daily. Going running every day sometimes 3 different times in the day. I would get up early and go before school, then when I got home, then again later at night. This continued for about 1 and half years to the stage were I was pretty thin. I wasn’t skeletal as I still ate, but I was much, much thinner than I had been and it had happened over a short period. I grew over this time as well which made the weight loss appear to be even greater. My mother often commented in passing saying I was getting far too thin but I just put it down to my growth and continued to eat large meals in front of her so it was never really talked about. Missing out lunch at school was commented on at school by a few friends but all I had to say was I ate massive breakfasts and there were no more questions asked.
The starving/exercise stage occurred during the episode with my best friend were I went a bit off the rails and I think it’s probably a contributing factor. Just the state of mind I was in.
I've managed to kick this habit. I still sometimes get obsessed with a particular food but never unhealthily. I eat much more regularly but still don't eat breakfast. I don't know why but eating breakfast just makes me feel sickly. Not like I'm going to be sick just that I'm not well. I still exercise a fair amount, going to the gym most days or running with my dog but it's not the same as before. Before I would think...right so I've lost say...800 calories exercising, that means I can't eat more than that today. Very unhealthy. Whereas now it's more just because I enjoy running or going to the gym.
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